Let’s talk about this, the five things and by the way, you do have a guide there and I’m going to loosely follow it. Mostly it’s for you to have, but there are five real ways that we make mistakes or that we bumble our interactions, we bumble our networking, and here are the five things that I think happen to us the most.
Number one, we don’t want to step out, we don’t want to take a risk because we feel we’re going to be judged. Now is this true or not? Absolutely, it’s true. However, do we also judge? Oh man, we judge immediately! We find out what people are driving… By the way, in sales we constantly are judging people. We’re saying things like, “Well, I wonder if they have any money.” We’re thinking that in our minds.
So judgment is one of those things that prevents you from winning. Are you with me? We’ll talk about what you do instead.
The other thing is being dismissed. Many, many times we will be dismissed. People will just dismiss us. As a matter of fact, I’ve got to tell you this. My best most recent…
I’m going to tell you on thing, I was talking to a group. I do a lot of executive coaching, and I was talking to a group and it’s how often I note when they say, “I don’t want to foul up.” I deal with presentations.
Do you know what people will say? It’s the same with networking. “I don’t want to be judged. I don’t want to make a fool of myself. I don’t want to be dismissed.” What are we focused on? What we don’t want. Those are the five elements that are always there. “I don’t like to talk in front of anybody.” Why not? “I don’t want to appear stupid.” Does that make sense?
“I don’t want, I don’t want.” So I said to this gentleman, “What do you want? Nobody knows!” I want to make connections, that’s how you network, not, “I don’t want to foul up. I don’t want to be judged.” So we have to say, “I want to make connections,” or “I want to make long range,” or I want to be of service.” We have to ask ourselves what do we really want.
So this one gentleman I said, “What do you want?” and he says, “I’ve never thought about it that way.” I can’t tell you how often I catch them. So he said, “Shauna, I’m going go home and try it.” I can’t tell you how many times people have done this.
This particular one was most recent, and why it’s on my mind. So he always goes home and here’s what he says to his children, “How was school is today?” What do they say? They grunt, “Yeah, fine.”
Constantly, he was asking them like, “Did you have a good day?” “Yes.” “No.” “Whatever.” No other things. So here he stopped and he said this one thing, “Here’s what I want,” (two teenage boys), “I want you to tell me one interesting thing that happened in school today. I’ll wait,” and they told him. He said he just broke it all open. He didn’t even say, “I want you to tell me what kind of a day you had.” He said, “I want you to tell me one interesting thing that happened today.”
Now use that in networking for a second. Look at the difference in question. Now what do you do, not what is it that you’re selling, not what business are you in, but what’s one interesting thing that you did today? What’s one interesting thing that you learned? Think of the questions that you’re asking.
Here’s what I want. I want to know what makes you tick, or I want to know what you do that makes you successful. Now somebody might say to you, “Well, I’m not that successful.” “What’s your most successful habit?”
Think of the questions that you’re asking. Think of what you want versus, “I want to make sure that they know who I am. I want to make sure that they get my card. I want to make sure that I’m doing this.” All of this is a fear base, but when you suddenly stop and turn, think of what I just gave you for your teenagers.
What if you said, “That’s what I want? You know what I want? I want to know you better,” and suddenly people are like, “Okay.” But if we say, “What I want is to give you my business card. What I want is your business…” Now you might say that too, but look at how fast that is when they don’t even know you. Does that make sense to you?
So this is a philosophy that I want to go all the way through. What is it you want, what is it that you want? And here are the things that we normally don’t want. We don’t want to be judged. Now let’s shift it to what we do want. Do let’s go to that part.
Number one, if we don’t want to be judge, what do we want?