Welcome Tony. Thank you.
How many of you, in your dealings with other people, have ever had a personality conflict? Anybody? And I guess the rest of you don’t deal with people.
Come on, we’ve all had the misfortune, whether we want to admit it or not. We’ve all had the misfortune of not being able to connect with another person; not able to create that all important meeting of the minds.
Now I contend that you can create a lot more rapport with people and a lot less tension with them based on how well you practice the Golden Rule. Practice it appropriately/more rapport, inappropriately/more tension and maybe even conflict.
So before I go any further, let’s make sure that we’re all listening from the same perspective. What is the Golden Rule? Anybody?
Audience: “Do unto others as you have them do unto you.”
Okay. Somebody back there is a manager, right. Who said, “The person who has the gold, makes the rules.” All right, that’s typically the managerial Golden Rule.
Me, I grew up born and raised in Manhattan in New York City, and growing up, of course, we had our version of the Golden Rule, which is “Do unto others before they do unto you,” right.
Then as a teenager, I moved to the Jersey Shore and they had their variation of the Golden Rule, which was, “Do unto others and split.”
But the real Golden Rule – some of the people mentioned that the real Golden Rule is “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Is that accurate; treat people the way you want and need to be treated, all right.
Now I have to tell you that I believe in that rule 100% and when it comes to values, ethics, honesty, and consideration; there is no better rule. But when it comes to one-to-one communication whether it’s with your family, whether it’s socially, whether it’s in business, whether it’s in sales, in management, coaching people; when it comes to one-to-one communication, the Golden Rule can, and often does, backfire. It sounds a little sacrilegious doesn’t it?
The second decision is the person coming across more direct or indirect. Now directness is a measure of pace. Indirect people slower pace/direct people faster pace. Now when I say slower and faster, I’m talking about the way they walk, the way they talk, the way they make decisions, the way they do things, in general. Indirect people tend to be slower, direct people tend to be faster. Indirect people tend to be more patient, direct people impatient. Indirect people tend to be better listeners, direct people more talkers.
When it comes to risk, decisions, change, indirect people approach all three: Risks, decisions, and change more slowly, cautiously, and methodically because their inner driving need is not to be wrong. So they check, they double check, they think about it, they sleep on it, they do their homework, their research, their due diligence because they don’t want to be wrong.
At the other end, we have our direct people. Direct people when it comes to risks, decisions and change, they approach all three more quickly, decisively, and sometimes even spontaneously because their inner driving need is to accomplish and achieve as much as possible, get it over with, and what’s next? And that causes a lot of friction between the two, when they live together, when they work together.
We have the direct people who want to speed things up. “Hey, I’ve got a lot to do.”
We have the indirect people who want to slow things down. “Hey, you know, we’ve got to back up, we’ve got to do our research, we’ve got to get all the facts in,” and they just drive each other crazy, if they’re practicing the Golden Rule.
Now, by the way, when it comes to…
So let’s talk a little bit about adaptability, in general. Adaptability, in general, this is a very simple, yet powerful idea. With the two styles at the top, which is the C and the D, focus on the task; don’t really worry about the relationship unless they initiate it. But you get right to the task at hand with them.
With the two styles at the bottom, the S and the I, we develop the relationship, we talk, we chat, we schmooze, and then we move into the task at hand. Does that make sense?